All week I’ve been reflecting on February 2011, reliving little pieces of each day a year later. Today is the one year anniversary of egg transfer – one year since Goldie was an 8 or 10 celled speck, one year since the embryologist* told us that two perfect embryos had risen from the batch of bad looking eggs into our Golden Embryos, one year since we let the possibility of this child into our hearts, one year since the amazing doctors and nurses performed magic (magic, it’s nothing short of magic). It’s been one hard, brilliant, perfect, scary year that our daughter has been with us in some way. It was yesterday and it was a lifetime ago.
The math of a long ttc is mind-bending. I can’t imagine having some other, non-Goldie child. And yet the chances of creating Goldie were so tiny I can hardly wrap my head around it. At 34 tries, each one with 1-5 eggs and somewhere between 2 million and 300 million sperm (from 5 different donors) we could have ended up with one of billions of different babies. We got the perfect one. After years of feeling the weight of bad luck, the randomness of the world finally seems more beautiful.
The clinic didn’t give us pictures of the embryos, but I took a few random shots that day.
Tools of the trade:
Fern bundled up post-transfer, post-acupuncture.
And here is Goldie today, studying the streets of Boston on her map quilt.
*A few months ago Fern was looking at a friend’s pictures of the small singing group he’d formed and she somehow recognized our embryologist in the group. We have always thought so fondly of him – probably both because he was the bearer of the best news possible that day and because he was such a gentle and kind presence on our scary day. We’ve elevated him through memory to some kind of saint. I swear he has an aura when I picture him. So Fern sent him a message via our friend to let him know that he’s a hero in our house. It was nice to be able to make that connection. We’re going to buy one of the group’s cds so Goldie can listen to it one day. Not only can our gay embryologist savior create a perfect embryo from lackluster eggs, but he can sing too!
Beautiful random crazy universe! Both parts of your post speak to that. I love how the embryologist is a gay singer!
Happy transferoversary! Love the pic of Fern all wrapped up in the space-age cover…very appropriate for the sci-fi means of creation of IVF. And LOVE the gay singing embryologist. That is just so perfect for your family.
Such a sweet wonderful post
What a year and what a wonderful/random connection….
Wonderful post! Love the pics!
I love the way you talk about Goldie here. It truly is amazing that you could have had (I could have had!) any number of different children but you end up with the one that is YOURS. Amazing what a difference a year makes, eh?
i love this post so, so much! :~)
i frequently think the same thing about our kids … it feels fated and perfect that we end up with the ones we get.
Such a beautiful post to read. =)
So happy for you guys.
What a great post! I remember reading your post-transfer blogpost and can’t believe it’s been a whole year already…wow!!!
Yes, magic. And miracles and wonderment. Deep wonderment. I don’t believe in fate or destiny, but I do know these children were worth the paths we took to get to them. And it confuses me endlessly, all that struggle. All that pain. But then I look at a photograph of you holding Goldie, and I don’t feel confused anymore. Anyway, happy one year with your exactly.who.she.should.be daughter. Thanks for writing this post. It’s the perfect reminder.
Goldie is so awesome! Love the randomness of the universe. Sometimes I feel we’re all six degrees or less.
I feel so lucky to know you a little bit.
XO
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