First of all, thank you for all the comments on our birth story. It was hard to write and I really appreciate that so many people took the time to read it!
I wanted to follow up on the baby cries post from a few weeks ago. We really appreciated a lot of your comments on that too – it’s great to hear we’re not alone or just to get some sympathy. Since that post Goldie has started tip-toeing in the right direction. It’s not dramatic or always steps in the right direction, but I think we’re starting to chip away.
Goldie has taken several naps from 10-45 minutes on her own in our bed! It’s not very consistent yet, but Fern figured out how to transfer Goldie from her arms to the bed (we’re putting her on her side now – next step, back). She doesn’t sleep as long as she would if we were holding her, but we’re excited none the less.
The other achievement is that Fern is working on side nursing more and Goldie spent a few full nights in side lying position on the bed – hooray! We both (but especially Fern) got a lot more sleep those nights. Previously Fern had been sitting up to nurse Goldie each time and I think both of them woke up more. Fern and Goldie have been able to side nurse for a while but haven’t done it consistently because Fern developed postpartum symphysis pubis dysfunction. This is when the ligaments around the pubic bone loosen because of all those hormones and I think most women get it in pregnancy, not after. But Fern has it now and it makes lying on her side incredibly painful. She’s been seeing a chiropractor for the condition but is still in pain. Ibuprofen is helping make more side nursing possible but she still sometimes cries through the nursing (Fern, not Goldie) after several hours on her side.
Hmm, writing this down makes it sound like a kind of weak accomplishment, but we really are excited about it. The last few nights are the first in Goldie’s 13 weeks (can you believe she’s 13 weeks?!) that we haven’t held her in our arms over night. It feels like progress.
We have plans for other steps and we’re working on getting her 7pm nap to happen in bed for 2-3 hours (right now it’s either in bed for 20-30 minutes or in our arms for 2-3 hours) and have that be her bedtime. I would kill to have a few hours in the evening alone with Fern.
We’re putting Goldie in her bouncy seat while we shower lately and sometimes that works, sometimes not, but when it does, it’s very exciting. She’s also spending some more awake time in her chair or swing. We are still holding or wearing her most of the time, but happy for these little victories.
I go back to work on Monday and I almost can’t talk about it. I feel such intense dread when I think about it and I’ve been bursting into tears the last few days. It’s scary for Fern too because she’s going to have Goldie more on her own. Fern still needs to be doing work (from home) but so far Goldie care has been pretty all-consuming. Sometimes it really takes both of us to calm G during the day (she’s still crying a lot) and neither of us can get much done when we have her alone. I’m also worried about our plan for me to take her to work – we’re going to see how it goes but it feels like it will be impossible. If I can’t take her, this will put more stress on Fern.
Fern has almost finished the second week of a breast feeding elimination diet. We can’t say that we see much of a change in Goldie’s crying, but maybe it will magically emerge at two weeks? Fern is doing an amazing job eating very, very few foods.
If the taking G to work plan doesn’t pan out, we had great luck stretching parental care with a few hours of babysitting by college students when Leigh was tiny. I was writing my dissertation, mostly from home while caring for Leigh, and needed some protected time, but not a ton. I was close by (usually at the coffeeshop on the corner) and it wasn’t big stretches of time, but it provided the needed breathing room (and work time). It can be hard to figure out and depends so much on the baby and the work situation, but you will find what works.
On a similar note to Lyn’s suggestion, a mother’s helper situation could be really good if you can’t take her to work (or even once in awhile when you can). The care provider simply helps with baby care while Fern is at home too. Mothers’ helpers are typically lest costly than babsitters–and there’s the added bonus that you’ll be getting to know someone who could potentially babysit for a date or something when Goldie is older and you feel comfortable leaving her. i worked from home when BG was an infant, and I *wish* we had done this, even for an hour or two a week. I used to work in this capacity for some friends when I was a student, and I know it made a big difference for them.
But on to what I originally intended to respond to (and because I can’t seem to respond without writing a whole blog post of my own), that’s WONDERFUL progress that Goldie is making! As she gets used to sleeping without one of you holding her, she will sleep longer and longer, and you’ll thank yourself when you’re not holding a nine-month-old through an hour-long nap (ahem…because I don’t have ANY experience with that. Okay, I do).
I had pubic symphesis dysfunction when I was pregnant. The only way I could lie on my side was with a good-sized pillow between my legs that aligned my hips. This relieved most of the discomfort. It’s horrible, horrible pain, and I spend plenty of time in tears with it too. Also, has she talked to the midwife about it? She will probably recommend a special belt that holds her pelvis in place. I’ve heard these relieve a lot of the pain.
So sorry you have to go back to work so soon. There’s no way of getting around those feelings, and it just sucks that we don’t have a culture where staying at home with our babies is supported more. Sending you all strength.
Now, it’s clearly time I time I spend some more time on my own blog instead of filling comment boxes with tomes of unsolicitied advice! xo
You’re getting there! 3 months was a pretty big turning point in retrospect. Hope this hold true for you as well. Like, RG I had pubic symphesis dysfunction when I was pregnant. The snoogle pregnancy pillow was essential for sleeping on my left side as recommended, but it was supporting my belly and knees, so I suspect you may be able to get by with a regular pillow. Well done on the side lying BF, I was never able to master it.
Good luck going back to work. It’s do hard to transition back to that world. And it’s so hard and scary to be alone with a cranky infant. Honey was only home for 3 days each time which is so depressing. I try to have small goals for each day (like take a shower or do a load of laundry) so I can feel accomplished but not overwhelmed.
Glad things are getting a bit better. I can’t really do side-lying nursing yet (our sizes somehow don’t match up in any comfortable way) but have been falling asleep sitting up nursing…
What’s Fern eliminating? I was on a really radical elim diet with my first (which unfortunately never really worked) and a more modified one with Tiny Boy…I’d be happy to talk more, commiserate, etc. Can be really tough. I hope Fern is feeling better soon…the PSD sounds horrible.
She had cut out dairy for a while and also citrus, tomatoes and carbonated drinks, but that didn’t do much. So this time she’s eliminating practically everything and only eating rice, millet, potatoes, turkey, chicken (hard for a vegetarian), pears and zucchini for two weeks. Is that what you did? The idea is to then add food back in and see if anything causes a bad reaction. However, Goldie isn’t exactly happy right now so it might not actually be food related….sadly.
With LG, I eliminated all major allergens (milk, soy, wheat, nuts, fish, shellfish, sesame, eggs), beef, citrus, tomatoes, as well as random other things at various times (including rice). Didn’t have much effect with LG, though, either. Really, the only thing that made a difference with her was going on amino-acid based formula (which I am *not* suggesting here), just relating our experience. If Fern is still on that diet, be sure she’s getting a fat source (avocado?). It can take up to 6 weeks, I think, for the gut to heal, so you might not see an immediate improvement.
Tiny Boy is displaying similar symptoms, though he doesn’t appear to be in pain the way LG did (or have the obvious problem of bloody diarrhea) so I’m not cutting as much (just milk, wheat, soy). I don’t know if I can do more than that (I got down to 93 pounds nursing LG and don’t want to repeat) but neither do I want to go down the formula road again. The whole thing sucks. I hope things are getting a bit better…still inching.
hooray! so good to hear things are getting better. not having to sit up at night to nurse changed my life so much.
i’m so sorry fern’s hips are a mess. mine were, too, but not as bad as that — and it sucked anyway. i can totally related to crying through nursing, though, thanks to the vasospasms, and it is fucking awful. especially while the whole world is carrying on about how beautiful nursing is and all that. nothing like being in pain and feeling unnatural, all at once.
i thought i would die the first week i was home with the bean and sugar was at work (though that was at 5 weeks for us, so somewhat different). the second week was easier, and it got better after that, too. be gentle with yourselves.
i think those are great milestones to celebrate! im sure the nights will continue to improve. and i really hope fern’s hip issue resolves soon, that sounds miserable.
im sorry about the impending return to work, that is so, so, so hard. im curious about your awesome work environment that will allow you to bring baby. do other colleagues do the same? how does it work on a practical level to meet the requirements of your job duties and care for a baby? meetings, phone calls, etc? im just so impressed…my employer would *never* go for that!
Having not had the baby yet, I still can’t give any advice- but I can (and am!) wincing in sympathy pain at poor Fern’s pelvis, and cheering on your baby steps as Goldie gets more and more used to sleeping solo! Go Goldie! Go you guys!
Glad to hear that Goldie is settling into sleeping on her own a bit. Hooray! It’s such a great skill for her to have and will likely make your lives easier as time goes on (even though it seems to be making things harder right now)
I’ll be thinking of you all on Monday. For what it’s worth, the first week back at work was super hard for us, but it got significantly easier after that.
I ditto the suggestion to look into having someone help out a bit with childcare if it’s at all possible.
Hang in there! Sounds like you’re all doing an amazing job!
Glad things are taking tiny tip toes towards progress for all three of you. Thanks for the message yesterday–so busy I didn’t get to reply–and I’m thinking of you and your return to work tomorrow. For me, the day before anticipation IS always worse than the actual doing of the thing, so I’m thinking of you today as well. xoxo
ugg, im sorry the elim diet isnt working magic…its so hard to stick with it unless you are seeing results! It does sound like the sleeping is getting better….hooray for minor victories!!!
in the light at the end of tunnel category: yesterday, at 7 1/2 months, bunny slept through the night (6 hours) for the first time ever. he was in my arms which may be why he didn’t wake up to nurse, but he slept from 10pm until 4 am. and then he went back to sleep after getting a diaper change and nursing. even if it doesn’t happen again for months, i am in awe!
Hooray bunny!!!