Fern and I are trying something new. On one of the final evenings of 2010 we very intentionally marched ourselves into a fancy baby boutique and bought a toy, a onesie and a pair of socks for very small feet. These gifts are for our baby. They are meant to welcome him into our lives and to symbolize how we will take care of him. We have bought so many presents and knit so many tiny hats and sweaters as gifts over the years but, like many people, have been somewhat reluctant to acquire anything for our unconceived child. I have a baby item on my knitting needles about 90% of the time, but I’ve cast them all off and given them away.
Especially as the years have piled up and the yearning has moved from abstract to tangible and heavy, we have been so careful, so very careful, to avoid buying much or making anything for our child on the grounds that it’s bad luck and also that it’s just plain sad to live among these tiny reminders. But avoiding baby stuff hasn’t brought much luck, has it? So we decided we would set a new tone for 2011 and trudge through the snow and slush into the twilight lit shop and pick something out that is for our baby so that in 2011 we are ready with open arms and at least one outfit. Later this week Fern and I are going to pick out some yarn and a pattern and knit her a toy that we’ll keep for however long we need to wait.
It’s easy for me to focus on the pain and the injustice and the many ways that 2010 was crap. But I want to work on remembering that this low is not the end of our journey and picturing the positive outcome that I know is possible. It was hard not to feel like an impostor in the store and hard to imagine the things we bought will ever do anything but sit in the bag, but I’m taking some steps to try to imagine. We took off the tags so they don’t feel like gifts for someone else. They’re ours – they belong to our family.
On Sunday while we were back east we went to the UU church where Fern worked for 4 years right at the beginning of our relationship. We were so young when she started that job (I was 22!) that her choir members quickly embraced us like daughters. I have much love for that church and the choir and being back in the room was so familiar and warm. We sang the spiritual, “There is more love somewhere,” and I couldn’t help but tear up a little. The new year is a good time for reflection and hope and also for gratitude. Will 2011 be our year? There’s no way to know but I’m willing to believe it could be.
There is more love somewhere. I’m gonna keep on until I find it. There is more love somewhere.
There is more hope.
There is more joy.
There is more peace.
Love it! I agree 2011 is filled with hope.
That song made me cry when I read the lyrics. Congratulations on getting the first things for your baby–I hope you need them sooner than you even dare to dream.
Short of your bfp post, I can’t imagine a post of yours that would make me happier than this one did!! I love the shedding of prior years’ ttc pain & weighty superstition and the embracing of positive thinking & faith in a happy ending. I can’t wait to see what joy 2011 brings to you and Fern! xo
This made me cry, but in a good way. May your baby be here quickly, to fill out those items.
I love this post, love that you’re taking new steps toward welcoming your baby into your lives. How can s/he resist now? May 2011 be your year.
I think this is a wonderful plan, I really do. I could never resist buying things for my baby prior to being pregnant and while many times it hurt too much to look at them, just having them was my declaration that I was going to have a baby. Now I look at those items being used by my baby and I remember that it was purchased for him or her before I knew them. I remember where each thing came from, why I chose it and all the dreams I had for it. I know that someday soon you will be looking back remembering each and every gift and toy chosen as your little one makes use of this darling sweater or that sweet toy. Let’s welcome Olive and Fern’s baby this year shall we? Yes, let’s.
a happy thought, a happy thing. love you and the little one/ones that WILL come.
You are so right. This low is not the end of the journey. I had such a happy warm feeling when i read that and pictured you and fern with a little one. What a beautiful ending which will really be the beginning.
I think you’re on the right path and filling your home with love (and baby items) can only serve to bring about more positivity. I don’t believe its bad luck to buy stuff pre-baby, I believe that the power of positive thinking is immeasurable and that living your life as you want it to be can absolutely bring about the changes you wish for. Here’s to a great 2011!
I love the baby gear. I love the positive outlook. Like someone else said, there’s no way your baby will be able to resist!
I love this post too. A great idea.
Wow Olive, I am so impressed. Good for you for embracing hope and buying those items for YOUR baby to come. We bought a very few items, mostly earlier in the ttc days (year 1ish) and they sat in the back of the closet, collecting dust for a long, long time. The wonder and awe with which I retrieved those items a few weeks ago and put them into what will be the boys’ room–unbelievable. After all this time, I am finally getting to use them. You will too.
If you buy it- they will come. Welcome Fern and Olive’s baby, 2011.
I love it! We’re planning to do the same thing.
Before we started TTC, I was reading some feng shui book that talked about a similar thing – it talked about if you wanted to expand your family to make room for the new family member. I don’t remember all the details but the image that are stuck in my head are having flower pots on the window sill – one to represent every member of the family – current and future. We bought a coat hook, shelf thing with three cubbies – one of me, one for S and one for the new family member. I still think about it every time I’m trying to stuff hats and mittens into that cubby.
Anyway – I love your post and it made me think of this. I think that 2011 will be your year!
YES! Act like you already have what you want. It is yours. Your baby is coming.
Very very beautiful! Baby is coming! What will her name be? Her mamas are Olive and Fern. Her name will be just as whimsical:)
What a wonderful post and a beautiful outlook to have for the upcoming year.
I can’t wait to see your baby in that cute little onesie… I already know that I will swell with joy, and that tears will well in my eyes. I think you have the right attitude and I hope I can at least hitch a ride on the tail feathers of your optimism and positive thinking (particularly hard for me right at this moment). I hope 2011 is the year I can send you wonderful, tiny clothes in the mail and follow a new, fantastic twist in your life journey… xx