First of all, a big congratulations to J and S over at Incredible Adventures on their BFP. This is most exciting indeed. How long were you trying? I’ve only recently started reading your adventures so I don’t know how many tries it took. Here’s wishing you a healthy pregnancy!

I am becoming less and less patient with our TWW. This morning we got the bad news that Sage won’t be able to come out here for our next insemination as we’ve been planning so if this try doesn’t work, it’s back to fedex for us. I’m sad because I felt like an in-person insemination where Fern doesn’t have to travel would be the ticket. But I’m not so sure anything’s the ticket in this game.

Seeing S & J’s digital “pregnant” HPT did cause me to launch fantasies of getting a positive in our house in a few days and how I’d run to the drug store so we could have a urine-laced piece of plastic tell us in a word that we’re pregnant…and then take pictures of it. I think those pee sticks are strictly for the already-know-I’m-pregnant-and-happy-about-it crowd. I don’t think most people could use them casually and bear seeing “not pregnant” in real words. One line is bad enough. Boy do I want one, though.

I think because it’s Friday and a little slow at work it’s one of those days that I spend in baby fantasy world thinking about everything from the BFP to the baby. There are a lot of factors against us this time - sickness, travel, timing, lack of monitoring. But in the days before we start testing there’s still a world of possibility ahead. We might not be pregnant this month but we might be. I can’t help but hang onto that little bit of hope in spite of the negative factors. Reading about Stacey and Meg’s BFP (congrats to you too, by the way!) made me really happy - they were certain they weren’t pregnant and were waiting for Stacey’s period when they realized that Stacey’s temps had been high for 18 days and they tested and got a positive. I always get so discouraged after a few negative pregnancy tests, that I can hopefully focus on their story a little this time. Even when it looks bad you never know.

Speaking of Friday slacking, I do something I call calendar staring. I think this goes back to trying to create control, but almost every cycle I figure out the due date range using a due date calendar. Then I stare at the calendar with Fern’s cycle info on it. Then I manually count the weeks and end up with the same due date as the calculator (go figure). Then I count the trimesters. Then I think about what we’d be doing at each trimester (season, activity, travel) and what we’d have to do differently if Fern was pregnant. After I’ve done this I want to do it again a few days later. So with no counting left, I’ll just look and stare. I’ll think about the significance of the due dates and the conception date. I’ll think of the stories that we can tell our child about these months. It’s a lot of work, calendar staring. I should probably devote myself to my job like I devote myself to TTC.