I can’t tell you how many posts I’ve started/worked on in the last 2 months. I am so sick of not writing on my blog that I’m going to break the ice with some micro updates.
- Breastfeeding is damn hard. It is much better than it was but not great yet.
- Clover didn’t latch for two long, terrible, tear-filled weeks and then spent a week on the nipple shield before nursing on my breast directly. Did I mention tear-filled?
- Clover had three tongue tie clips (including one by laser a week ago) and we might finally be over the hump.
- His poor latch (because of the tongue tie) injured my nipples repeatedly and caused a lot of pain. A lot of pain. I have a divot missing from my right side and it was basically an open sore for about 4 weeks. The presence of this divot gave me huge anxiety about nursing on that side and sent me into middle of the night panics. It also hurt an unbelievable amount for a while (then lessened to a manageable amount of horrible pain) and I would scream out in pain when Clover nursed. Did I mention tear-filled?
- I am blessed/cursed with an over supply of milk. It’s a blessing because, despite a terrible latch, Clover is as fat as can be (and was gaining at the crazy rate of a pound a week for several weeks). It’s a curse because Clover overeats and the volume and speed of the milk entering his mouth has (we think) caused reflux and has led to a LOT of screaming (mostly Clover).
- I feel 100% sure that breastfeeding will get better and even will become great. We have a TON of wonderful support from lactation consultants, breastfeeding support group and friends. But it is still a struggle and I still have pain and frustrations even at 2 months. I never imagined this would be the case.
- Reflux and screaming and sleep.
- As I mentioned, Clover has reflux (we think) and he’s been on medication for about 3 weeks. He started on Zantac and is now on Prilosec. I honestly don’t know if it’s working because we’re dealing with so many variables. We’re going to try to wean him off to see if he needs it but not yet.
- Even though we put in an order for a calm, quiet baby, we got one who cries quite a bit. Some times all day. However, it really feels like if we can work out the tongue tie, oversupply and reflux he’s a happy, calm baby underneath. Sometimes I feel really optimistic and upbeat about the screaming and sometimes I sink under its weight.
- The one thing keeping me sane is that Clover doesn’t usually scream throughout the night. He still cries at night but not like during the day. And he seems to sleep for at least one longish stretch most nights. Being able to be better rested than we were with Goldie is keeping me from losing my shit.
- Goldie is amazing and challenging and amazing.
- I love having a two year old. By the way, we have a TWO YEAR OLD. I love so much about this age. G loves her brother. But, man, parenting two is hard work and some days I feel like I do a mediocre job at best. Goldie is mostly great with Clover but has been known to hit him and tear at his beautiful face quite hard when frustrated. I can’t wait for days to come, though. Once Clover is slightly more interesting and cries slightly less, I think these two will be amazing together.
- I had a c-section
- There is so much here but it all feels too close to touch right now. I’d love to write about it sometime but I’m still sorting out my feelings on it. It’s hard to process. Sometimes it’s just a fact of my life and other times (usually when I”m alone in the car) it just tears me up. My postpartum hormones have let up a little so I don’t cry on this daily anymore…but it’s holding steady deep inside me and I need to work through it some day.
- Despite any and all of the challenges I described above, Clover is amazing and we are deeply in love. He is a beautiful person and his smile is the most uplifting thing I can imagine right now.
- I love throwing “my kids” into a sentence. Two is beautiful
And now to bed I go without proof reading this or anything!